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Civil War: MNC Employees Fight To The Death In Interoffice Soda War

Ever wonder what 95.3 MNC employees fight about when the mics go dark?

Soda.  We fight over soda.

The annual soda selection process is fully underway in our building.  What sodas will fill our machine to nurture our dependence, and what sodas will be cast aside into exile for another year?

This year, the war is between Sprite and 7up.

Emails have been littering my inbox soliciting endorsements for the dye free beverages.  MNC’s very own Carl Stutzman has chosen his side, and he makes a compelling argument.

So where do I stand on the issue?

Neither.  I’m not a racist.

I find it offensive that a bunch of whities are campaigning for me to vote for either White Soda A, or White Soda B.  Why the lack of diversity?  Have we grown so hateful of minorities that we can’t even consume a brown soda anymore?

To show just how unracist I am, I’m squarely in the camp of Coke Zero.  The soda that’s so pro-minority, it’s not only brown, but it comes in a black can.  Yet it includes us white folks with white lettering.  Now that’s an all American, all inclusive soda we can all get behind.

 

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